Thursday, July 26, 2012

Being Selfish.

This week, the word 'selfishness' has flickered into my mind lately.
It happened after I read about it and the author had brought it up.

Being selfish.
I think we are all selfish. I think it comes naturally.
I don't think it ever goes away. Or is something that you can get rid of completely.
Because you see it in kids. I don't think any parent teaches their children to be selfish.
Instead, it reveals itself. It happens everyday at my home!
I've caught myself saying "Clari, please be kind and share your [belongings] with Celeste.
or "Celeste, you've had that [toy] for a while now... maybe Clari would like a turn now?"

And so... I think everyone gets taught that being selfish/looking out only for yourself is not right. So, our selfishness gets curbed. Hidden. It's still there. But we learn not to show it. 

And this is what I've been struggling with this week.
I've been silently trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to guide my own children into seeing what true selfishness is. And the many different forms it takes.

It's really not just about the action of not sharing.
I think it's easy to say "Share that with your sister".
Happens a thousand and one times. They automatically squabble. And those words automatically come out of my mouth!! Eeek!

It's the mindset.
And I struggle with this.
Because as an adult, even though I share my time, share my love around, I need to make sure that I'm not just doing it because I was trained to be that way when I was younger.
And if that sounds simple,
How on earth do I go about teaching and guiding my kids to love others out of the right motives... because they truly want to... not because someone told them that it's the right thing
to do?

Ahhh. Coffee comes in handy during times like this.

That's why I think that when people say that being a parent is hard, it's not so much about the mundane. Not so much about the sleepless nights at the start. The nappies. The chores. The meals. Etc.

For me, it's super hard because being a parent challenges you as a whole person.
It makes you confirm some of your existing beliefs, create new ones and realise that some beliefs that you had in the past might have just not been the right ones!
And it really develops your character and personality.
I am still learning about who I really am... and being a mum has really fuelled this.
I need to really challenge myself... question the essence about how and why I live and treat others the way that I do, make sure that they're solidly sound and teach myself up.... before I try to teach someone else, especially my own children.

There are countless of little ways to step forward and make the effort of loving others instead of yourself. But all this must be done after you really firmly believe that you'll be doing it because you truly and sincerely want to.

I think this is probably one of the more important ones for me. :)
Asking about others instead of talking about yourself.
Giving my friend the time to talk, asking about them and their day sincerely.
Even giving my husband the time to talk! Or my kids! And really listening to them.
Instead of talking about myself. I think everyone loves talking about themselves to a certain extent. Me included. And sometimes, I do agree and believe it is important to look after yourselves.
But sometimes, it really is a lovely treat to give that chance and time away and love and care about others.

Something to think about for ourselves today? :)

xx Germaine


  1. What a lovely and thought provoking post, It reminded me of the book "How to win friends and influence People" by Dale Carnegie he talks a lot about building friendships by letting others speak about themselves and showing genuine interest in the lives of others.

  2. This really hit home for me too. I'm learning so much about myself as I parent Max. Watching him learn and grow and develop his sense of right & wrong is a real eye opener. Beautiful post xx


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