Being timid and having a timid child.

Every now and then, I always remember what I was like as a child.
When I was 4 or 5, which is around the age of my eldest little girl right now.
Children all have different personalities and  mine as a child was a quiet one. Timid. Shy.
Some might say introvert.
I didn't talk much to grown-ups or look them in the eye.
I didn't like trying new things out, I was very comfortable with where I was.
It was a different story altogether when I was alone with my family.

It was a little traumatising when Mum tried to 'get me out of my shell' by sending me to some drama
classes for kids.
I knew Mum meant well but putting a 'timid' soul in an environment where some form of attention is put on you and people expect you to belt out some words from a script is scary.
I don't think I resisted much, I did go to the classes but I didn't particularly enjoy the classes.
They didn't really help me come out of my shell either. Drama class didn't last very long.

I also remember Mum sending me to art class.
I loved that.
Sitting down, having your own space, your own set of crayons, watercolours, being able to be quiet and do your own thing.
Totally loved it.
Art class lasted 6 years.

You might know that I have two little girls. Both of them completely different like day and night.
Sometimes, I watch Miss 4 and immediately see myself mirrored in her eyes, her expressions around other people and how she relates to everything.
I know what she likes and what she wouldn't be too keen on. Mini me much?

The world we live in always shapes us. But it isn't always very welcoming to children who are more timid than others.
Being timid isn't wrong. It shouldn't be discouraged.
I've had to stop myself a number of times from pushing my Miss 4 to being more upfront or confident towards others.
I don't want her to develop the idea that I might think that what she is doing is wrong.
She needs to feel loved and happy!
Not discouraged.
And she's not the only timid one. I see them everywhere.

Timid people can have amazingly strong points too.
She is such a big hearted girl.
She is so very loyal.
She makes friends but her friends are few and close.
I'm so glad she has made some steadfast friends at kinder and she gets so much joy just playing and chatting with them. She has even found a best friend. Another girl who was born 4 days before her and is exactly like her in terms of nature.
She has incredible insight and empathy because she watches.

And because of that, when I look at her, I get a little bit touched.
Because I see a lot of myself in her.
I think it is important to make sure she knows that being timid isn't a fault at all.
Sure. People who are extrovert, 'louder', chattier do get more attention.
That's just how the world is.
But attention doesn't always have to be in the form of big groups of friends or it doesn't have to be loud.

I think it is important for her to know that she has the ability and the position to watch and know when another timid child needs a friend. The ability to love others in her own quiet manner still.
Or to know when someone needs help.
She's brilliant one-on-one.

And that's the same for me. Learning as I live!
It is so easy to try and be sociable in an extrovert, loud and chatty style, just because.
But that isn't me.
And I don't think I should waste all this energy trying to be someone I'm not just to fit into a certain crowd.
Because then, I'll have all these 'friends' that I won't feel very comfortable with.
I like saying hi genuinely.
Sitting down on the steps at kinder with another mum alone, looking at her and saying 'how have you been?' and meaning every word of it. And being sensitive enough to carry on a meaningful, sociable quiet little conversation. Or knowing when someone might like or dislike something.

This is what I love about the internet as well.
It allows me to totally be in my comfort zone but still getting to know or find out about people.
And yes. I haven't met a lot of the people that I know online.
But being timid means knowing when, where and what to say and to whoever needs to hear those comments  of support, friendship or even just a hello. It means knowing what to type so that the other person knows exactly what you're saying. And not just another comment made without thinking.
And because of that, I have really met and made some truly special friends, mostly other mums around Australia and the world! (Thanks instagram)

Here's to the Timid Child. You are very much loved.

Being Selfish.

This week, the word 'selfishness' has flickered into my mind lately.
It happened after I read about it and the author had brought it up.

Being selfish.
I think we are all selfish. I think it comes naturally.
I don't think it ever goes away. Or is something that you can get rid of completely.
Because you see it in kids. I don't think any parent teaches their children to be selfish.
Instead, it reveals itself. It happens everyday at my home!
I've caught myself saying "Clari, please be kind and share your [belongings] with Celeste.
or "Celeste, you've had that [toy] for a while now... maybe Clari would like a turn now?"

And so... I think everyone gets taught that being selfish/looking out only for yourself is not right. So, our selfishness gets curbed. Hidden. It's still there. But we learn not to show it. 

And this is what I've been struggling with this week.

I've been silently trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to guide my own children into seeing what true selfishness is. And the many different forms it takes.

It's really not just about the action of not sharing.
I think it's easy to say "Share that with your sister".
Happens a thousand and one times. They automatically squabble. And those words automatically come out of my mouth!! Eeek!

It's the mindset.
And I struggle with this.
Because as an adult, even though I share my time, share my love around, I need to make sure that I'm not just doing it because I was trained to be that way when I was younger.
And if that sounds simple,
How on earth do I go about teaching and guiding my kids to love others out of the right motives... because they truly want to... not because someone told them that it's the right thing
to do?


Ahhh. Coffee comes in handy during times like this.

That's why I think that when people say that being a parent is hard, it's not so much about the mundane. Not so much about the sleepless nights at the start. The nappies. The chores. The meals. Etc.

For me, it's super hard because being a parent challenges you as a whole person.
It makes you confirm some of your existing beliefs, create new ones and realise that some beliefs that you had in the past might have just not been the right ones!
And it really develops your character and personality.
I am still learning about who I really am... and being a mum has really fuelled this.
I need to really challenge myself... question the essence about how and why I live and treat others the way that I do, make sure that they're solidly sound and teach myself up.... before I try to teach someone else, especially my own children.


There are countless of little ways to step forward and make the effort of loving others instead of yourself. But all this must be done after you really firmly believe that you'll be doing it because you truly and sincerely want to.

I think this is probably one of the more important ones for me. :)
Asking about others instead of talking about yourself.
Giving my friend the time to talk, asking about them and their day sincerely.
Even giving my husband the time to talk! Or my kids! And really listening to them.
Instead of talking about myself. I think everyone loves talking about themselves to a certain extent. Me included. And sometimes, I do agree and believe it is important to look after yourselves.
But sometimes, it really is a lovely treat to give that chance and time away and love and care about others.

Agreed?
Something to think about for ourselves today? :)

xx Germaine